We all see the world through our own filters, based on previous experiences. This creates a distorted leans through which we see ourselves and the world around us. The brain loves consistency and once you have developed a certain way of seeing yourself, your brain gets pretty pissed off if you allow information in that contradicts that previously held belief. For instance, if a child was told they were a “bad student” and that image was reinforced by their parents, coaches, or teachers, then suddenly in the 8th grade the kid gets an “A” in Science class, the child will automatically feel uncomfortable as this does not fit nicely into their current concept of themselves. In this way, many people become imprisoned in a cell of other’s expectations which they then self-reinforce in their own lives causing a downward or upward spiral that dictates their future.

• FACT: Married women who have self reported negative views of themselves will stay in negative relationships longer if their partners also have negative views of them. If their partners view them positively, they are more likely to leave the negative relationship.
• TAKEAWAY: People innately want to confirm their already held beliefs about themselves. This makes their brains do less work, so people will continue to look for “consistent” information about themselves, even if that information is negative.