The brain hates rejection as much as it hates physical pain. In fact, the Anterior Cingulate Cortex where pain is registered in the brain is the same area of the brain that gets activated when we feel social rejection. Hence the statements “love hurts” and he “broke my heart.” The brain does this because for thousands, if not millions, of years rejection from the tribe meant certain death. The brain decided that to avoid that outcome, which is of course the brain’s main objective, it placed social rejection as one of the worst feelings a person can feel. Of course in today’s world not impressing one group is perfectly safe because you can always join another group. However, try explaining that to any teenager in the world who feels left out. The main point being that our brains are outdated and make up all sorts of false fires that feel like death. However, over time the brain learns after multiple “rejections” that “hey go figure” I guess rejection doesn’t equal death anymore and the person starts to gain “trauma resilience.” Basically, if you go through enough hard stuff your brain starts to get the picture that “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.”

• FACT: At the end of WWII England set up numerous “mental health facilities” to help citizens overcome the shock and awe of the “blitzkreig” bombings of London. It turns out most of these hospitals sat empty, because the citizens came away not only mentally unscathed (most of them) but more confident that they could get through anything.
• TAKEAWAY: Helicopter moms may think they have the right idea in protecting their kids from any and all danger. In reality, however, getting through tough experiences in what makes us able to get through future tough experiences.