Different people experience grief in different ways

Our community has experienced significant losses over the last few months. As a small town, we are often so connected to each other. A bright point in all the tragedy is seeing the community come together in support and caring.

Sometimes it is hard to know what to say or do when dealing with grief. Often, knowing you are not alone is the start of healing.

At its core, grief is the emotional suffering that follows loss, and its intensity can vary greatly depending on the type of loss or trauma. While we often connect grief solely with the death of a loved one, loss and grief show up in many other aspects of our lives as well. This can include:

• Relationship breakups
• Health challenges
• Financial setbacks
• Job loss or retirement
• Loss of feeling safe
• Various types of recovery processes

Grief is a deeply personal journey, unique to each individual and situation, often shaped by our usual ways of coping. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, author of “On Death and Dying,” identified some common characteristics of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. It’s crucial to remember that not everyone experiences each of these, nor do they progress in a neat, linear fashion or on a set schedule. The grieving process is deeply individual and unpredictable person-to-person.

Navigating your own grief

If you’re currently experiencing grief, here are some strategies you might find helpful:

• Lean on your support system. Connect with family, friends, spiritual guides, support groups or counselors. You don’t have to go through this alone.
• Allow yourself to feel. Resisting or avoiding your emotions can prolong the pain. Give yourself permission to feel what you feel.
• Prioritize your physical well-being. Adequate sleep, good nutrition and regular exercise are vital for both your body and mind during this time.
• Remember there’s no “right” or “wrong” way to grieve. Your process is uniquely yours, so be gentle with yourself.
• Identify your triggers. Becoming aware of what might intensify your grief can help you anticipate and plan ahead for those times.

Supporting a grieving loved one

Watching someone you care about experience pain is incredibly difficult, and our natural instinct is to try to “fix it.” While we can’t take their pain away, understanding the grieving process can help you offer meaningful support. Grief can be complicated, but here are some compassionate ways to support someone who is grieving:

• Acknowledge their unique process. There’s truly no single “right” way to grieve. Validate their experience, whatever it looks like.
• Respect their timeline. People move through their grief at their own pace. Be patient and understand that their journey is their own.
• Refrain from judgment. Avoid judging how others cope, even if their methods are unfamiliar or uncomfortable for you.
• Offer practical assistance. Help them with things like shopping, preparing meals, child care, household chores or errands. Remember that initial support often fades, but grieving individuals need ongoing care long after the immediate event.
• Simply listen to them. Often, just being present and listening without judgment is the most powerful support you can offer.

When to seek additional help

Whether you’re personally grieving or supporting someone who is, it’s vital to be watchful for warning signs that persist beyond the initial grieving period (typically several months) or worsen over time. These can include:

• Significant decrease in daily functioning
• Loss of pleasure in activities previously enjoyed
• Major sleep problems (too much or too little)
• Social isolation
• Persistent hopelessness
• Extreme, uncharacteristic focus on death or suicidal thoughts
• Increased alcohol or drug use

If you notice these signs, it may be time to seek professional help. While it might feel intrusive, try to focus on expressing your concern. A gentle approach, like, “I’m very concerned about you. Maybe we could explore talking with someone?” can open the door to much-needed support. Explaining your specific reasons for concern can also help.

It’s also completely common to feel awkward and unsure of what to say to someone who has experienced a loss. Many people avoid the person entirely, either fearing they’ll say the “wrong” thing, or simply not knowing what to say at all. However, this is precisely when they need the most support. Even a simple “I’m so very sorry” can go a long way. Your presence and genuine support can be incredibly healing. Acknowledge their situation, be sincere, and express your care and concern from the heart.